“No,” saidI, answeringalmostmechanically, inspiteofmyutmostefforts; “notto-morrow.”
“Because, look’eehere, dearboy,” hesaid, droppinghisvoice, andlayingalongfingeronmybreastinanimpressivemanner, “cautionisnecessary.”
“Howdoyoumean? Caution?”
“ByG—, it’sDeath!”
“What’sdeath?”
“’’sbeenovermuchcomingbackoflateyears, andIshouldofacertaintybehangediftook.”
Nothingwasneededbutthis; thewretchedman, afterloadingwretchedmewithhisgoldandsilverchainsforyears, hadriskedhislifetocometome, andIhelditthereinmykeeping! IfIhadlovedhiminsteadofabhorringhim; ifIhadbeenattractedtohimbythestrongestadmirationandaffection, insteadofshrinkingfromhimwiththestrongestrepugnance; , itwouldhavebeenbetter, forhispreservationwouldthenhavenaturallyandtenderlyaddressedmyheart.
Myfirstcarewastoclosetheshutters, sothatnolightmightbeseenfromwithout, , hestoodatthetabledrinkingrumandeatingbiscuit; andwhenIsawhimthusengaged, , tofileathisleg.
WhenIhadgoneintoHerbert’sroom, andhadshutoffanyothercommunicationbetweenitandthestaircasethanthroughtheroominwhichourconversationhadbeenheld, Iaskedhimifhewouldgotobed? Hesaidyes, butaskedmeforsomeofmy “gentleman’slinen” , andlaiditreadyforhim, andmybloodagainrancoldwhenheagaintookmebybothhandstogivemegoodnight.
Igotawayfromhim, withoutknowinghowIdidit, andmendedthefireintheroomwherewehadbeentogether, andsatdownbyit, , Iremainedtoostunnedtothink; anditwasnotuntilIbegantothink, thatIbeganfullytoknowhowwreckedIwas, andhowtheshipinwhichIhadsailedwasgonetopieces.
MissHavisham’sintentionstowardsme, allameredream; Estellanotdesignedforme; IonlysufferedinSatisHouseasaconvenience, astingforthegreedyrelations, amodelwithamechanicalhearttopractiseonwhennootherpracticewasathand; , sharpestanddeepestpainofall—itwasfortheconvict, guiltyofIknewnotwhatcrimes, andliabletobetakenoutofthoseroomswhereIsatthinking, andhangedattheOldBaileydoor, thatIhaddesertedJoe.
IwouldnothavegonebacktoJoenow, IwouldnothavegonebacktoBiddynow, foranyconsideration; simply, Isuppose, ; butIcouldnever, never, undowhatIhaddone.
Ineveryrageofwindandrushofrain, , , IbeganeithertoimagineorrecalthatIhadhadmysteriouswarningsofthisman’, forweeksgoneby, , theselikenesseshadgrownmorenumerous, ashe, comingoverthesea, , hiswickedspirithadsomehowsentthesemessengerstomine, andthatnowonthisstormynighthewasasgoodashisword, andwithme.
CrowdingupwiththesereflectionscamethereflectionthatIhadseenhimwithmychildisheyestobeadesperatelyviolentman; thatIhadheardthatotherconvictreiteratethathehadtriedtomurderhim; , , andimpelledmetotakeacandleandgoinandlookatmydreadfulburden.
Hehadrolledahandkerchiefroundhishead, , andquietlytoo, , Isoftlyremovedthekeytotheoutsideofhisdoor, , withouthavingpartedinmysleepwiththeperceptionofmywretchedness, theclocksoftheEastwardchurcheswerestrikingfive, thecandleswerewastedout, thefirewasdead, andthewindandrainintensifiedthethickblackdarkness.
THISISTHEENDOFTHESECONDSTAGEOFPIP’SEXPECTATIONS.
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