, andthepunishmentmayberetributiveandwelldeserved; but, thatitisamiserablething, Icantestify.
Homehadneverbeenaverypleasantplacetome, becauseofmysister’, Joehadsanctifiedit, ; Ihadbelievedinthefrontdoor, asamysteriousportaloftheTempleofStatewhosesolemnopeningwasattendedwithasacrificeofroastfowls; Ihadbelievedinthekitchenasachastethoughnotmagnificentapartment; , , itwasallcoarseandcommon, andIwouldnothavehadMissHavishamandEstellaseeitonanyaccount.
Howmuchofmyungraciousconditionofmindmayhavebeenmyownfault, howmuchMissHavisham’s, howmuchmysister’s, ; , excusablyorinexcusably, itwasdone.
Once, ithadseemedtomethatwhenIshouldatlastrollupmyshirt-sleevesandgointotheforge, Joe’s ’prentice, , IonlyfeltthatIwasdustywiththedustofsmall-coal, (Isupposeasinmostlives) whenIhavefeltforatimeasifathickcurtainhadfallenonallitsinterestandromance, , aswhenmywayinlifelaystretchedoutstraightbeforemethroughthenewly-enteredroadofapprenticeshiptoJoe.
Irememberthatatalaterperiodofmy “time,” IusedtostandaboutthechurchyardonSundayeveningswhennightwasfalling, comparingmyownperspectivewiththewindymarshview, andmakingoutsomelikenessbetweenthembythinkinghowflatandlowbothwere, -dayofmyapprenticeshipasinthatafter-time; .
For, thoughitincludeswhatIproceedtoadd, allthemeritofwhatIproceedtoaddwasJoe’, butbecauseJoewasfaithful, , butbecauseJoehadastrongsenseofthevirtueofindustry, -heartedduty-doingmanfliesoutintotheworld; butitisverypossibletoknowhowithastouchedone’sselfingoingby, andIknowrightwell, thatanygoodthatintermixeditselfwithmyapprenticeshipcameofplaincontentedJoe, andnotofrestlesslyaspiringdiscontentedme.
WhatIwanted, whocansay? HowcanIsay, whenIneverknew? WhatIdreadedwas, thatinsomeunluckyhour, I, beingatmygrimiestandcommonest, , soonerorlater, findmeout, withablackfaceandhands, doingthecoarsestpartofmywork, , whenIwaspullingthebellowsforJoe, andweweresingingOldClem, andwhenthethoughthowweusedtosingitatMissHavisham’swouldseemtoshowmeEstella’sfaceinthefire, withherprettyhairflutteringinthewindandhereyesscorningme—oftenatsuchatimeIwouldlooktowardsthosepanelsofblacknightinthewallwhichthewoodenwindowsthenwere, andwouldfancythatIsawherjustdrawingherfaceaway, andwouldbelievethatshehadcomeatlast.
Afterthat, whenwewentintosupper, theplaceandthemealwouldhaveamorehomelylookthanever, andIwouldfeelmoreashamedofhomethanever, inmyownungraciousbreast.
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