, , andhadneverenjoyedtheprivilegeofbeingonafamiliarfootingattheCastle, Imighthavedoubtedhim; notsoforamoment, knowinghimasIdid.
Myworldlyaffairsbegantowearagloomyappearance, (Imeanofreadymoneyinmyownpocket), , Ihadsenthimtheunopenedpocket-bookbyHerbert, toholdinhisownkeeping, andIfeltakindofsatisfaction—whetheritwasafalsekindoratrue, Ihardlyknow—innothavingprofitedbyhisgenerositysincehisrevelationofhimself.
Asthetimeworeon, , thoughitwasallbutaconviction, Iavoidedthenewspapers, andbeggedHerbert (towhomIhadconfidedthecircumstancesofourlastinterview) , howdoIknow? Whydidyouwhoreadthis, committhatnotdissimilarinconsistencyofyourownlastyear, lastmonth, lastweek?
ItwasanunhappylifethatIlived; anditsonedominantanxiety, toweringoverallitsotheranxieties, likeahighmountainabovearangeofmountains, , , withtheterrorfreshuponmethathewasdiscovered; letmesitlistening, asIwouldwithdread, forHerbert'sreturningstepatnight, lestitshouldbefleeterthanordinary, andwingedwithevilnews,—forallthat, andmuchmoretolikepurpose, , Irowedaboutinmyboat, andwaited, waited, waited, asIbestcould.
Therewerestatesofthetidewhen, havingbeendowntheriver, IcouldnotgetbackthroughtheeddychafedarchesandstarlingsofoldLondonBridge; then, IleftmyboatatawharfneartheCustomHouse, , .
Oneafternoon, lateinthemonthofFebruary, , , buthadbecomefoggyasthesundropped, andIhadhadtofeelmywaybackamongtheshipping, , Ihadseenthesignalinhiswindow, Allwell.
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